Preparing to say goodbye
Last week, we were informed that Sassy and baby Linda were on the shortlist to be reintegrated with family. We had mixed feelings (of course we love them beyond words) but we know that we are only a temporary solution for them. We were so excited at the possibility that child services had found a loving family member for them and dreamt of the future they would have within their biological family. Unfortunately, as we worked with our psychologist to prepare the girls for a possible departure they could not tell us for certain where they were going and IF they were going back to the exact same place they had come from. (This information comes from child services + their caseworker) With this news, my heart sank. How could they be going back? Did they know something we didn’t? Was the trauma they experienced there a fluke? Was the person who neglected and hurt them gone? It seemed all of my hopes were dashed. How could I tell them that they were going back? Poor Sassy. She can’t even talk about her “other house” or her “other mami” without shutting down. OKAY self - if you start to worry about a situation that means you aren’t trusting in God’s plan. So I started again with our psychologist and asked her what was the best plan of action here? I can’t mess with their felt safety and I certainly can’t spring this information on them? (Why is this chapter missing from the dang book?!) Well, first thing was first. She wanted to begin by restarting therapy sessions with Sassy to see if she could use her words to divulge any information regarding her neglect and trauma. (No pressure, four-year-old). **Insert deep breathing exercises.** Truthfully, I didn’t know how to feel because we knew NOTHING of what they came from. I only knew what I saw in their delays and behaviors and tried my best to help them heal by running with “it’s possible that the reasoning behind the behaviors is because _____”. All while trying not to jump to any conclusions. (It’s a real fun tightrope. Foster care is my cardio). So we started praying, “Lord, if where they came from is still not safe, PLEASE don’t send them back there. If sassy was hurt, let her find her words and the strength to let us know. PLEASE, let a loving family member come forward, amen.” Ya’ll 30 minutes post prayer and the Lord was already making moves. Sassy found her voice AND our psychologist said it was confirmed that they will NOT be returning from where they came from. Glory, hallelujah, amén y amén.
Beyond all of this, my heart EXPLODED when I heard from several different staff that they could see such a dramatic difference in sassy. Yaas baby girl! You are on the road to healing. You. will. move. mountains!
Foster care is hard. Really, it sucks, but there is also nothing else like it in the world - to be apart of that type of healing and to see these sweet blessings thriving. If God isn’t all up in foster care, then I just think you’re reading your bible wrong.
Please be praying for us, the girls, and their bio family, as there may be a possible reintegrated in our near future. COVID has made many things pahretty (PSA. This word is pretty, just very dramatically emphasized) tricky right now so no one can say for sure about anything. So, we are living each day like it’s our last and also as if we have forever together. Also, please be praying for Fresa too. She is going to have such a hard time with this for two reasons; one - she is desperate to be reintegrated with her sister/family and our hearts are breaking for her and two - because she will be an only child here in our home after they leave and that is going to be very very hard adjustment for her. We are trusting in the Lord's faithfulness and know that he has BIG plans for all three of these sweet girls.
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