We never came here to adopt. We came here to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to change how Honduras cared for orphaned and vulnerable children - because every child deserves a safe and loving FAMILY. Not just a safe bed, food to eat, or a roof over their head, but someone who would be there for every celebration, every hurt, every milestone, someone that they could call MY mama, MY papa, MY brother, My cousins, MY family, - people who would love them without reservations or stipulations.
So when you’re in the thick of it and God reminds you that YOU can be that family, do you say no? When the hurt is so great that the temporary care house is bursting at the seams, or when you just said goodbye to girls that you nursed back to health for months and then a newborn shows up, do you say not now God? No. You say, this might hurt but I am going to love you forever now, no matter what the outcome may be.
-F - a - s - t - f - o - r - w - a - r - d-
It started months ago. God started waking me up at night and gently pushing me to consider putting in a request to adopt. I began praying that He would shout a little louder because I didn’t know how to honor His request while being a good steward of the ministry or the government agency that we worked alongside.
I knew all of the statistics. It was clear - that IF children are unable to return to their biological family and are then also removed from a safe and loving family that they have developed a secure attachment with (even to send them to another loving family) well, that would result in yet ANOTHER trauma. And for what? If we had families that were loving, safe, eligible, and willing then why weren't be trying to protect children from more hurt and more pain? I knew this and had prayed for YEARS that God would soften hearts and move mountains in Honduras to redact the laws that prevented foster families from adopting. Recently, I asked that He start flipping tables. (And with that, I volunteered to walk into any office that he asked and do it myself, if he needed. Still waiting on His word.) I asked this, not for the families but for the children who were being hurt over and over again.
It seemed like suddenly, He began shouting at me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on my work, He consumed me with this feeling that I needed to do something, but I didn’t believe Him because I was afraid - afraid of the consequences, what if I heard Him wrong, what if no one believed that I wasn’t acting out of selfishness? As the shouts became louder, I started praying without ceasing and asked others to join me because I didn’t know what to do. How could He be telling me to do something that was against protocol? I prayed so fervently that when I stopped praying, I began experiencing panic attacks. Yet, I still didn’t know what to do. I tried talking it over with a few people, but everyone gave me conflicting answers on how to move forward. It wasn’t until I spoke with my husband's brother when I heard God’s voice clear as day. In the midst of all of my “but’s and it’s complicated because” excuses, his brother simply said, “God tells us not to have a spirit of fear”. In that moment I realized, I was confiding in people whose advice would never amount to God’s direction.
It was like in the story of Esther - in order for her to save her people, she would need to go before the king (which was against the law because he didn’t invite her to have an audience with him first.) but God told her that she needed to go before the king and plead on behalf of His people. And in obedience she said, “if I perish, I perish.”
So that very day, I started collecting all of the documents we would need to put in our request for adoption. We would be moving forward with a national adoption, as a residence of Honduras. And if I perish, then I perish. But my baby is worth it. My God is worth it. His children are worth it.
As all of the documents came filing in, I began to feel more afraid. So I began to spend more time in the Word and in prayer. I knew we were acting in obedience but Satan wanted me to feel like I was doing something wrong. I asked more people to join us in praying over foster care in Honduras and that God would soften hearts and move mountains.
We collected our very last document, just days before our team was heading out to a conference in the capitol about attachment, trauma, and resilience - with hundreds of people from all over the country in attendance, including the new director of DINAF. (Honduran child services).
I spent the next week crying out to God to give me peace, but more than that to make moves on behalf of His children - soften hearts, flip tables, and fill the conference with an overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit. I prayed for our team and that He would continue to use them to be an agent of change. Asking Him to let us be a generation that seeks to act in obedience even when it seems ‘wrong’ or when we are told ‘‘now isn’t the right time, just wait’. Because what God says is more important than what the world says.
On the last day of the conference, I spent hours in prayer. I glanced up and noticed the conference should be coming to an end and those hours seemed like nothing but minutes and suddenly I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace about our situation but also peace about how God was going to move for ALL of His children.
I was curious if something happened at the conference that could explain my peace. So I sent my sister a message, asking how it went on their last day? She said that as they were leaving she felt God calling her to gather our team and pray for the new administration. So Legacy of Hope made their way across the room to the new DINAF director and to ask to pray with her and for her. As they covered her in prayer, the Holy Spirit was felt throughout the room. They prayed for her, her family, and perseverance as she faces the difficulties of this line of work. The heart of the new director is to do what is in the best interest of children, included in that is to review the law preventing foster families from adopting. BUT the devil feels his foothold slipping and is not going down without a fight. In the days following the conference, it has been evident that there is a spiritual warfare ragging in orphan care.
So we NEED you. - Not just for our son but for every single orphaned and vulnerable child hurting and/or waiting for permanency in Honduras. Come alongside us and petition the Lord - pray for a hedge of protection around His children, pray that he continues to soften hearts and flip tables, pray for perseverance, pray that all attempts to thwart his Will be halted.
In the days leading up to us preparing to have our documents reviewed, I felt at such a peace but prayed that God would just give me one more sign so that I would know without a doubt that I was acting in obedience.
Four days before our trip, my sister dropped to her knees in front of us and prayed over our family and our son. She said she felt God moving in incredible ways but in the same way she felt the devil trying to regain his foothold over the children and families in Honduras. - spiritual warfare that she hadn’t felt in orphan care in nearly a decade. She said God told her that we needed to submit the documents - the very ones that I had cried over, prayed over, a file that she didn’t even know, out of obedience, we had already gathered. The words He gave her were, “God wants to give him to you. You cannot stop praying. We should no longer have a spirit of fear. You must pray without ceasing. Do NOT stop praying.”
Today, we thank the Lord for keeping us on the path of obedience, even when it is difficult. We praise him for the strides being taken for the sake of His children. We know where our hope is found and that there is so much power in the name of Jesus. The Bible is clear on who the victor is and we call on Him to cease the battle raging in orphan care. We pray over our baby boy and that HIs will be done in his life. Lord we don’t know how his story will play out but we trust in You. Jesus go before us and come alongside us.
Your name is a light that the shadows can't denyYour name cannot be overcomeYour name is alive forever lifted highYour name cannot be overcomeJesus, Jesus, You make the darkness trembleJesus, Jesus, You silence fearJesus, Jesus, You make the darkness trembleJesus, JesusJesus, JesusJesus, Jesus[Tremble lyrics ]
Amen.
